


bless you (my ass!)

by avatricefeels



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, a wild teresa makes a fleeting appearance, camila is sweet and wholesome, mary is taking none of ava's shit, mother superion is NOT amused, puns, this is literally just crack idk what to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26584174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatricefeels/pseuds/avatricefeels
Summary: Camila rescues some kittens. Ava doesn’t realise she’s allergic. If the Halo amplifies the Bearer’s natural abilities, well. Those are some pretty powerful sneezes.(Rated T for language only).
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 7
Kudos: 174





	bless you (my ass!)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the below tweet, so special shoutout to @marie_salavar and @OneShipper on twitter for the idea and Marie for beta-ing this, you rock!
> 
> https://twitter.com/Mari_salavar/status/1306376974340939777

Ava had been summoned to Camila’s room on what she had insisted was very important business. At this, Ava was skeptical, as last time this end ended in a water balloon ambush. Sure, it had been a boiling hot summer’s day and Ava  _ definitely  _ needed a shower, but that was besides the point. 

As she approached Camila’s room, wary of a lurking prank, she only heard hushed whispers and cooing from the other side of the door. 

_ What the fuck?  _ Ava thought. She knocked quietly and stepped in after hearing something along the lines of  _ come in! _

To her surprise, and delight, it was not a prank that waited on the other side. There were no water balloons, no cream pies, no jump scares (Ava had banned the latter after Mary had scared her to the extent that she phrased through the goddamn floor and landed in a massive pile of dirty washing in the laundry room). Instead, she found Mary, Lilith, Beatrice and Camila bent over a cardboard box of…

“Are those kittens?” Ava exclaimed excitedly, scrambling forwards to squeeze herself between Camila and Beatrice. 

“Yes!” Camila squealed. “I found them hidden among the flowerpots in the vegetable greenhouse.

There were five kittens in total, all various patterns of tortoiseshell; mostly black and ginger with curious green eyes. They scrambled over each other and let out little meows that made Ava’s heart soar. She squealed when one of them stood up on its hind paws and peaked over the top of the box, looking quizzically at this newcomer who was yet to give any of them attention.

“Oh, hello,” she cooed. “Can I pick them up?” she asked Camila. 

“Of course! I’ve given them all a bath already; they’re free of fleas thankfully. I think they’ve been orphaned. I’m trying to think of how I can persuade Mother Superion to let me keep them. How cute would it be to have  _ cats  _ at Cat’s Cradle?”

“C’mere you…” Ava picked up the kitten in question and brought it closer to her face. “And what should I call you?”

“They’re all female, if that helps. Pretty much all tortoiseshell cats are. Males are quite rare," Camila explained.

"Huh,” Ava said. “Did you have cats at home?”

Camila smiled and nodded. “We had strays around where we lived all the time.”

“I shall call you Pumpkin,” Ava smiled, just as the little kitten placed a paw on her cheek. That’s when Ava started to feel strange. Her eyes prickled and he wrinkled her nose. 

“What’s happening?” Mary asked. “Why does your face look like that?”

“Ava, I think -” Beatrice began to say, only to be cut off by Ava’s sneezing. 

Except it wasn’t just any old sneeze. No. That would be too much to ask. As it happened, it seemed that as well as the Halo granting Ava super powers, it also gave her super allergies. The force of the sneeze sent Ava flying backwards, out of the open door and skidding into the hallway and bumping into the opposite wall. Pumpkin was absolutely fine of course, landing on all fours right where Ava and all but dropped her.

“Well, they do say that cats have nine lives,” Mary laughed. 

But, as if Pumpkin had a death wish, she bounded out of the room towards Ava quicker than any creature that size should have been able to. 

“Stay back!” Ava warned. Her eyes were streaming now, and the insides of her nostrils felt like there were lots of tiny people with swords up there, jabbing her repeatedly. 

Ava then sneezed again, but with no more distance to travel she found herself shot backwards through the walls, leaving an Ava shaped hole. When she sat up, she found a very perplexed familiar face. 

“Hi, Teresa,” Ava said sheepishly, wiping her nose on her sleeve. 

“Are you quite alright, Ava?” Teresa asked, bending down to help her up while the others laughed hysterically. 

“Not an offer of help or even a  _ bless you _ ?” Ava yelled at them, brushing off the dust from her trousers.

“Girl, you’ve already been brought back to life!” Mary retorted. “You are way past blessed, don’t push it. Bless you? My ass!”

“Language, Mary!” Lilith scolded.

Meanwhile, Beatrice put her head in her hands, half in despair and half trying to conceal her laughter. 

“Do you still think Mother Superion is going to let me keep the kittens…?” Camila asked.

Ava stood in the hole in the wall, grinning. “I think we’ve got a  _ hole  _ other problem!”

It was only after she rubbed her eyes that she spotted that Mother Superion had appeared, staring at them expectantly. 

“So, we just found out that the Halo-Bearer is allergic to  _ cats _ ,” Mary began to explain before the fits of laughter returned. 

It was going to be an interesting afternoon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this pile of absolute nonsense! 
> 
> You can find me on the discord server under the same username or on twitter @avatricefeels, where I'm post fic recs and other wn shennanigans to fill the void until season 2. Two multi-chap fics coming soon!


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